My personal painful experience with religion

[Lightmaker5]

You know I also was a believer once growing up in a Christ like family. We had to move countries because we had nothing to live on. Part of my family stayed there. And died eventually. The last day I saw them is when we left. I was still a kid then. But eventually I started question the gods. And one day I went so far I even intended to defeat god the almighty. I grew the impression all gods truly care about is themselves. So I literally trained to defeat god. And I knew I had to become stronger than anybody else if I wanted to defeat him. I was hard on myself too that time. I promised to myself to never cry again because I didn't want to feel weak towards my arch enemy. It was hard to suppress the pain at first, but I never let myself cry. And I haven't since then ever. That was 2011. My hatred and rage against god grew truly unbeatable. I was capable of what Kratos and Gorr did. No I never let out my ultimate anger on anybody else. But towards gods I was willing and able to do just that. That was the day I discarded my life and accepted hell. Also when I lost my fear of death. I wasn't even afraid of the devil. I was able to fight anyone who'd dare stand in my way. Archangels, all of them. I questioned all the gods. Only 2016 I had the ultimate enlightenment. I solved why the universe exists and how it exists. I saw there's no god. I also grew that kind of negative thinking that even aliens don't like me. I was like Gorr literally not knowing who my friend is. I thought they're all my enemies. I thought they all want to see me suffer. You can imagine my destructive rage. The only thing changed everything is the fact that I found out gods don't exist. They never did. There are only false gods in the universe. But no true god.

Don't understand my post wrong it is not made to offend anyone. This is my personal experience story with religion. Religion does not make peace this is what I have learned in my life journey.

Have you questioned the gods? Do you have a similar story?

 

[Anasa]

Seriously.Are "defeat the God" is a metaphor about positive life style in good scores and fitness and so on？

 

[Morell]

Sorry to hear about your loss of home and family members. That sucks.

-----

Seriously.Are "defeat the God" is a metaphor about positive life style in good scores and fitness and so on？

I wish it was, but it seems that our friend here is rather literal:

I'm like Lucifer and stronger. I'm the king of hell. I'm not evil, I simply beat it. If I understood you right, I challenge them all. Let's see who's really stronger.

Post automatically merged: Nov 7, 2025

Have you questioned the gods? Do you have a similar story?

I definitely do not have the similar story. And since I didn't grow up in Abrahamic religion, I wasn't exposed to the religion in this way. Thanks tot hat I didn't have that negative position towards religion, though I heavily dislike Abrahamic religions. But There are spirits and gods I respect and am friend with. Also the angel who is of great honor and help to me.

Though, Even through my anger I must say that gods and spirits are fine, it's humans wo mess up their religions.

 

[Dascent]

Indeed OP it is an unfortunate experience yet I don't believe you reached its end.
You learned about a god.. a perspective, an experience of some authority, be it family, school, church or whatever.
You haven't discovered your God yet because you were though it lives outside of yourself.
Sounds like a cliche but it is not.
Don't search for God outside of your heart.
God is what you love, god is your family, your life experience even if it was rough, painful, real god, the one which resides within will never go against you, if you choose to fight God, then it will let you do that. If you choose to hate god, then it will let you hate.
God within is the most quiet voice you will ever hear when you look outside of yourself to battle, to revenge, to lash out...
But it becomes the most harmonious voice when you had enough, when you stop the rage, the pain, when you feel exhausted to fight and you take a deep breath, when you wipe your tears, when the node in your throat is released, when you look in your heart, God never left that placed, it cried with you, it wept with you, it screamed and hit its cest in pain with you. It is there all along, not in a book, not above the clouds, not in teachings of others, not in darkness or light... of course there is no external God.
Take a look into the mirror, look deep, not only the surface. Deep within, among all other expressions, among all other experiences, you see the reflection of God. I feel so much pain because it takes people to find their God within, to recognize themselves as part of the existence.
How to find God if you are the God searching?
A flame doesn't cast a shadow.

Many christians blame religion and for a good reason, their experience with religion is valid, is true. But not the religion is the one generating the negative experience but the ones who control religion.

Religion didn't started wars, men did. religion didn't ki!led, r@ped and destroyed, but men did.
Some religions do promote good teachings like do not ki!l, do not r@pe and many other useful things, yes some using fear ideas to serve a purpose otherwise we would of got extinct like dinosaurs because it would of been the law of the strongest.
Religion is a tool, who manipulates the tool is to be held responsible.
A knife doesn't decide on its own if to cut meat or flesh... the hand which wields the blade is responsible.

Be well, don't worry, maybe you haven't found Your God right now, but know it never lost you.

 

[zamradiel]

I can relate. I rejected Christianity at an early age. I went to Catholic school from six to eleven, and one day during "religion class", the teacher said something that deeply unsettled me: "Your earthly parents are not your real parents—your true father is God in heaven."

Even at that age, I remember the surge of disgust.. the instinctive no. I pushed back against the idea with everything in me (the full force of the will). It felt wrong, invasive.

That said, I hold no ill will toward Christianity or those who follow it. Over time, whatever residual "what if" feelings or existential dread I carried simply dissolved. The question no longer stirs anything in me - not rebellion, not fear, just neutrality.

My own stance is what I've come to call "Against the Light", borrowing the phrase from Kenneth Grant. It's not born of hatred or cosmic defiance, but of recognition: the Light burns away what precedes it - the Dark. And it's in that Darkness that I've found the lessons that resonate most with me.

It's not a moral statement about good or evil... just an acknowledgment of where my current flows.

You know I also was a believer once growing up in a Christ like family. We had to move countries because we had nothing to live on. Part of my family stayed there. And died eventually. The last day I saw them is when we left. I was still a kid then. But eventually I started question the gods. And one day I went so far I even intended to defeat god the almighty. I grew the impression all gods truly care about is themselves. So I literally trained to defeat god. And I knew I had to become stronger than anybody else if I wanted to defeat him. I was hard on myself too that time. I promised to myself to never cry again because I didn't want to feel weak towards my arch enemy. It was hard to suppress the pain at first, but I never let myself cry. And I haven't since then ever. That was 2011. My hatred and rage against god grew truly unbeatable. I was capable of what Kratos and Gorr did. No I never let out my ultimate anger on anybody else. But towards gods I was willing and able to do just that. That was the day I discarded my life and accepted hell. Also when I lost my fear of death. I wasn't even afraid of the devil. I was able to fight anyone who'd dare stand in my way. Archangels, all of them. I questioned all the gods. Only 2016 I had the ultimate enlightenment. I solved why the universe exists and how it exists. I saw there's no god. I also grew that kind of negative thinking that even aliens don't like me. I was like Gorr literally not knowing who my friend is. I thought they're all my enemies. I thought they all want to see me suffer. You can imagine my destructive rage. The only thing changed everything is the fact that I found out gods don't exist. They never did. There are only false gods in the universe. But no true god.

Don't understand my post wrong it is not made to offend anyone. This is my personal experience story with religion. Religion does not make peace this is what I have learned in my life journey.

Have you questioned the gods? Do you have a similar story?

 

[Beyond Everything]

I was (thankfully) raised without any sort of religion. That coupled with all sorts of interesting paranormal experiences as a child and an ability to think for myself led me to my idiosyncratic but supremely fruit-bearing path.

Fullness of yourself and immortality vs subsuming yourself in religious energies (of whatever sort, so-called left, right or middle path).

Religious energies put blinders on people. One insidious way is inhibiting the ability to actually assess (esp on subtle planes) the effects of these things.

 

[Lightmaker5]

Well today I know there's no god. I have felt like Lucifer lots of time since in the story he also went against god. There was a time I thought he was me. Altough I have many other similarities to that character. None evil ones tough, except for ending gods. It did feel like hell. Not a nice experience. It didn't break me tough. I had a good motivator to become stronger, was Roronoa Zoro. I mean I was a kid then. That was and still is my fav character of them all. And I have become like him. I have no fear. I even risked my life once due to that alone. I really didn't care if I died then. I did something very dangerous and not once. Today I look back at it I could've actually died. And I realize it'll be on me entirely.
I often watched such videos such as this as motivation to train and become stronger.

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[Morell]

Anime is great motivator for many people. Apparently they do something right. I use Sephiroth in my practice and in fact it led me to start practicing with katana. And honestly playing with plastic blade makes me feel really good.

You don't have to keep explaining here that that Lucifer is not evil. A lot of demon-practicioners here. As far as I can say people here know well, that what is shared among toxic Christians as the truth is completely false. There are some here who practice with Abrahamic entities, angels and god, using holy texts in way that amazes me. Maybe there is a god they believe in, but safe to say, toxics don't know him at all.

 

[Amadeus]

Have you questioned the gods?

I have questioned this stuff for ages, contemplating and trying to figure out. At some point it all started making more sense.

It all began with the 3 books I started working with, bible, Quran and book of Mormon. I could not understand if there's supposedly the same "god" behind all these texts then why on earth does it manifest as 3 different energies, with something completely different behind each of them. The way how they alter your mind, thoughts, mindset, system.

I remember some cases when I worked a lot with the Quran, spamming it all days long for a month or so and then feeling so connected to it.
I got a strange deep love for the Arabic language, extreme desire to study it, a strange bizarre love for all the muslim countries. The mind got altered so much.
Then I switched back to my main practices with the torah, psalms etc and all those thoughts disappeared. I felt connected to a completely different system.
Experiments with the book of Mormon which led to the same understanding, something different behind it.

These things feel like intermediaries, systems, systems with their own distinctively different spirits. Egregores, systems, like computer servers.

I think what @Dascent said sounds so true.

There are some here who practice with Abrahamic entities, angels and god, using holy texts in way that amazes me.

Yes we have a few of them some crazy mad monks

 

[Konsciencia]

I can't say that there is no God because I don't know. However, I feel that we are all Universes on top of the big One. Perhaps, our Souls creates those Gods and Goddesses. But, I don't know. For I am not there yet.

 

[Lightmaker5]

Well I'm very allergic to the word god or angel. I lived for over 10 years hating and willing to defeat them all. I'd never accept a god. I'd rather die fighting them. And why I hate angels, obviously because they're god loyal. Like I said I already know they don't exist. Funny to say this I might be the only one on Earth who truly does know. I was an inventor I made a universe formula that works. It reveals all that stuff. But my universe formula didn't give me peace. The peace wisdoms came from sombody else. Like Brainiac 5 from Smallville and Dylan Hunt, Rev Bem from Andromeda.

Brainiac 5 wisdom:
You spend so much time dwelling on the darkness of what happened in the past, you’re missing the present that’s right in front of your eyes. Let it go.
Clark's response: I’ve been so buried by the mistakes of my past and so worried about the responsibilities of the future, I lost sight of the present.
Brainiac 5: A hero is made in the moment, not from questioning the past or fearing what’s to come. Just remember that, Kal-El.

Rev Bem to Dylan Hunt:
Fate brought you to that battle. Destiny demanded your actions. Perhaps you were merely a tool of Divine Will.

You don't have to forget. You don't even have to forgive. But you must look for the good in the beings you encounter. Otherwise, your restored Commonwealth will be founded on distrust, and it will be over before it even begins.

Dylan Hunt to Rev Bem:
When Rev Bem sees the ship is doomed and there's nothing more to do, Rev Bem says what's the point trying the ship is dead. Dylan Hunt tells Rev Bem this is negative thinking and is completely useless. Dylan Hunt still tries to find a way off the ship well and eventually they did.

Not all movies are only movies. Some of them carry great wisdoms that do help. Those gave me peace.

 

[Morell]

Well I'm very allergic to the word god or angel. I lived for over 10 years hating and willing to defeat them all. I'd never accept a god. I'd rather die fighting them. And why I hate angels, obviously because they're god loyal. Like I said I already know they don't exist. Funny to say this I might be the only one on Earth who truly does know. I was an inventor I made a universe formula that works. It reveals all that stuff. But my universe formula didn't give me peace. The peace wisdoms came from sombody else. Like Brainiac 5 from Smallville and Dylan Hunt, Rev Bem from Andromeda.

Brainiac 5 wisdom:
You spend so much time dwelling on the darkness of what happened in the past, you’re missing the present that’s right in front of your eyes. Let it go.
Clark's response: I’ve been so buried by the mistakes of my past and so worried about the responsibilities of the future, I lost sight of the present.
Brainiac 5: A hero is made in the moment, not from questioning the past or fearing what’s to come. Just remember that, Kal-El.

Rev Bem to Dylan Hunt:
Fate brought you to that battle. Destiny demanded your actions. Perhaps you were merely a tool of Divine Will.

You don't have to forget. You don't even have to forgive. But you must look for the good in the beings you encounter. Otherwise, your restored Commonwealth will be founded on distrust, and it will be over before it even begins.

Dylan Hunt to Rev Bem:
When Rev Bem sees the ship is doomed and there's nothing more to do, Rev Bem says what's the point trying the ship is dead. Dylan Hunt tells Rev Bem this is negative thinking and is completely useless. Dylan Hunt still tries to find a way off the ship well and eventually they did.

Not all movies are only movies. Some of them carry great wisdoms that do help. Those gave me peace.

A small observation of mine:
You know that God and angels don't exist yet you hold a huge grudge against them as if they were still bullying you today. No wonder you don't have peace.

Just like a fanatic Christian you feel the need to prove your point with multiple quotes. They might not be from the Bible, but you still need an authority to back yourself up.

You do not seem free from your Christian past. At least not yet.

 

[Lightmaker5]

A small observation of mine:
You know that God and angels don't exist yet you hold a huge grudge against them as if they were still bullying you today. No wonder you don't have peace.

Just like a fanatic Christian you feel the need to prove your point with multiple quotes. They might not be from the Bible, but you still need an authority to back yourself up.

You do not seem free from your Christian past. At least not yet.

I think you're underestimating the 10 long years training to defeat god. His rage and violence is very accurate to mine:

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The ultimate enlightenment I got 2016 the first time I saw the universe how it really is. That there truly is no god. But it takes time to let go. It took me to find these peace wisdoms a long time too. The last one I found like a month ago. The most important one. Of course I wanted to talk about this. I also want to know if there are other people who see gods like I do. I haven't met anyone yet who went against gods like I did. Perhaps somebody will still come here and tell his story. And I'm waiting.

 

[zamradiel]

It sounds as though you’re still in the process of reconciling those elements. There's nothing to defeat or battle... only the fragments of yourself still carrying the poison of the past.

I think you're underestimating the 10 long years training to defeat god. His rage and violence is very accurate to mine:

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The ultimate enlightenment I got 2016 the first time I saw the universe how it really is. That there truly is no god. But it takes time to let go. It took me to find these peace wisdoms a long time too. The last one I found like a month ago. The most important one. Of course I wanted to talk about this. I also want to know if there are other people who see gods like I do. I haven't met anyone yet who went against gods like I did. Perhaps somebody will still come here and tell his story. And I'm waiting.

 

[System Error Message]

You know I also was a believer once growing up in a Christ like family. We had to move countries because we had nothing to live on. Part of my family stayed there. And died eventually. The last day I saw them is when we left. I was still a kid then. But eventually I started question the gods. And one day I went so far I even intended to defeat god the almighty. I grew the impression all gods truly care about is themselves. So I literally trained to defeat god. And I knew I had to become stronger than anybody else if I wanted to defeat him. I was hard on myself too that time. I promised to myself to never cry again because I didn't want to feel weak towards my arch enemy. It was hard to suppress the pain at first, but I never let myself cry. And I haven't since then ever. That was 2011. My hatred and rage against god grew truly unbeatable. I was capable of what Kratos and Gorr did. No I never let out my ultimate anger on anybody else. But towards gods I was willing and able to do just that. That was the day I discarded my life and accepted hell. Also when I lost my fear of death. I wasn't even afraid of the devil. I was able to fight anyone who'd dare stand in my way. Archangels, all of them. I questioned all the gods. Only 2016 I had the ultimate enlightenment. I solved why the universe exists and how it exists. I saw there's no god. I also grew that kind of negative thinking that even aliens don't like me. I was like Gorr literally not knowing who my friend is. I thought they're all my enemies. I thought they all want to see me suffer. You can imagine my destructive rage. The only thing changed everything is the fact that I found out gods don't exist. They never did. There are only false gods in the universe. But no true god.

Don't understand my post wrong it is not made to offend anyone. This is my personal experience story with religion. Religion does not make peace this is what I have learned in my life journey.

Have you questioned the gods? Do you have a similar story?

in my case it was the gods that attacked me, and i devised a method to truely defeat them. You cannot kill a worshipped being, they respawn each time unless you take out the source of their worship or souls. There is a difficult alternative way that i used. The archangels you think were actually spirits that worked for them. real angels do not serve gods nor are affiliated. However unlike with you my hatred and anger is towards humans not gods. Humans create the god persona and beings take on that person to take advantage of things. Humans are the ones that chose to make things difficult for others.

Religion causes suffering, but humans chose it. Whenever a prophet brings forth anything, it was never taken down and the prophets were always bullied. I've been there before, and the prophets would beg us not to punish their bullies. So nothing from god is in religion today and religion falsely proclaims that angels are theirs. Many christians think a real angel would acknowledge jesus, this is false and dangerous as thats easy to fake.

 

[Morell]

in my case it was the gods that attacked me, and i devised a method to truely defeat them. You cannot kill a worshipped being, they respawn each time unless you take out the source of their worship or souls. There is a difficult alternative way that i used. The archangels you think were actually spirits that worked for them. real angels do not serve gods nor are affiliated. However unlike with you my hatred and anger is towards humans not gods. Humans create the god persona and beings take on that person to take advantage of things. Humans are the ones that chose to make things difficult for others.

Religion causes suffering, but humans chose it. Whenever a prophet brings forth anything, it was never taken down and the prophets were always bullied. I've been there before, and the prophets would beg us not to punish their bullies. So nothing from god is in religion today and religion falsely proclaims that angels are theirs. Many christians think a real angel would acknowledge jesus, this is false and dangerous as thats easy to fake.

I cannot agree with everything you say, but what you say about humans is spot on. I agree. It is on physical level very visible. Our society is human made, so they really live in what they created during history. Makes sense that it would be same with spirituality. Gods as god-forms, or overgrown servitors actually make sense, at least with Abrahamic god as it is understood now. I think that there are gods out there that are real, but I really don't think that they are like Christian god.

Don't know about the angels. I know that some are meta humans (former humans who became angels) but their ranks and loyalty are unknown to me and I don't seek to know, because it doesn't really matter.

 

[Lightmaker5]

in my case it was the gods that attacked me, and i devised a method to truely defeat them. You cannot kill a worshipped being, they respawn each time unless you take out the source of their worship or souls. There is a difficult alternative way that i used. The archangels you think were actually spirits that worked for them. real angels do not serve gods nor are affiliated. However unlike with you my hatred and anger is towards humans not gods. Humans create the god persona and beings take on that person to take advantage of things. Humans are the ones that chose to make things difficult for others.

Religion causes suffering, but humans chose it. Whenever a prophet brings forth anything, it was never taken down and the prophets were always bullied. I've been there before, and the prophets would beg us not to punish their bullies. So nothing from god is in religion today and religion falsely proclaims that angels are theirs. Many christians think a real angel would acknowledge jesus, this is false and dangerous as thats easy to fake.

Yes in a way the only ones to blame are the selfish people themselves. But going against people like I would go against gods, I wouldn't. People are no gods, what to expect right!? The almighty who can literally do anything, that one I could not accept or forgive. So yeah my hate, fury and rage came to an end eventually. I'm going towards peace. The past and this year was more the last year for me to let go. And I did. I guess I had to talk about it with somebody.

 

[System Error Message]

Yes in a way the only ones to blame are the selfish people themselves. But going against people like I would go against gods, I wouldn't. People are no gods, what to expect right!? The almighty who can literally do anything, that one I could not accept or forgive. So yeah my hate, fury and rage came to an end eventually. I'm going towards peace. The past and this year was more the last year for me to let go. And I did. I guess I had to talk about it with somebody.

no, the almighty or god as you call it cant do anything. The truth about god is not within human understanding for most. Humans can understand in the presence of god, but humans themselves refuse to acknowledge god and instead invent false concepts of god.

God isnt a concept that can be represented with creation so there is no way to communicate only understand.

Post automatically merged: Tuesday at 10:31 AM

Don't know about the angels. I know that some are meta humans (former humans who became angels) but their ranks and loyalty are unknown to me and I don't seek to know, because it doesn't really matter.

correction: they were angels to begin with but incarnated as humans and slept as they did so while still being around as an angel. Angels evolved to be beyond time so to be an angel as a human you would have to already have been an angel. Understanding these beings they are beyond humans so one cannot simply go from human to angel directly not to mention the 2 are vastly incompatible which makes it impossible to consciously access everything that is an angel as a human. Since angels are beyond time, they still are around as an angel despite incarnating, only they are both fully around and also not having full access as a human.

By being beyond time they can be in multiple places at the same time.

 

[Mannimarco]

Interesting story, Lightmaker. I certainly resonate with your feelings.

I can't help but notice that you are still operating out of the monotheistic worldview. I am pretty certain that if you want to oppose the entities from a worldview, you are not going to be effective from inside that worldview. Think of it like a baseball game. You may be willing to fight both teams, the coaches, and the umpire, but you are still on their baseball field. And as long as the fans keep showing up and supporting the league, all you can really do is create brief disruptions in the game.

The success I have had in opposing the christian god, which is not a lot in the scheme of things, came from operating out of a Chaos Magick-esque worldview. The monotheistic worldview puts "god" at the top of the power pyramid of the universe, with humans at the bottom. Chaos Magick reverses this, specifically the understanding of Egregores, and has humans creating gods, not the other way around. If a human built something, it's possible for a human to break it. I didn't exactly choose this perspective, but slowly grew into it through experience.

Best of luck!

 

[SkullTraill]

I'm just wondering, what part of this story describes how you were wronged or in any way affected by religion? To me it just seems like (pardon the metaphor -- it's not meant to offend, only illustrate) you just stuck a stick in the wheel of your bike? Sort of like you kicked the curb and started hating it for not existing? Or not even hit the curb... You kind of... did nothing? And religion did nothing to you? Sounds like you went through something tough in life and needed something to blame?



I wish you the best and hope you have a good life ahead of you, but try to move past hatred and resentment. Live your life to the fullest without making it about hating religion, God, etc.