- Joined
- Dec 5, 2024
- Messages
- 23
- Reaction score
- 58
The Familiar
Every indigenous culture has their own witchcraft. My own culture is no different. At the center of the witchcraft of my culture is the necromantic spirit of a dead person.
In ancient biblical times, it was the same. What has been translated into English as "familiar spirit" in the original Hebrew of the Old Testament once meant the spirit of a dead person. This is a about what Familiar Spirit meant in the Old Testament. And this is a second about familiar spirits being associated with sorcerers and necromancers in the bible.
In ancient times, the witches of my culture used to make something called a "Panneng." The process of making a Panneng is elaborate. A grave of a recently dead person must be dug. The person must be a "hong prai." The word Hong means to die screaming and the word prai means a corpse or ghost. In other words, the dead person must be a person who died in agony, suddenly, tragically, in a lot of pain.
Once the grave is dug the head of the hong prai is cut off. The head is kept and allowed to rot until the skull is exposed. Once the skull is exposed, mantras in Sanskrit are etched into the skull, a necromantic ceremony is performed which calls the spirit of that dead person and bind or ties that spirit with the skull. Animals are then sacrificed, and the fresh blood is fed to the skull.
Most often, that skull is all that is needed. The witch would make an altar for the skull, venerate it, and regularly offer the necromantic spirit in the skull offerings of food, drinks, alcohol, incense, and candle. In exchange for the veneration and offerings, the necromantic spirit protects the witch, teaches the witch magic and sorcery, and will do the witches bidding.
Sometimes the witch will carefully cut a special part of that skull off. The part that the witch cuts out is the forehead bone just above the eyebrows, where the third eye is. This is a special place because, in our culture it is believed that consciousness and will power resides in that spot of the forehead. The whole skull is not actually necessary. Only that portion of the forehead. That portion is called the "Penneng." The necromantic spirit of the dead person resides in the Panneng. Unlike a whole skull, a Panneng is portable and can be worn on the witch.
It is believed in our culture that the skull of a young child possesses the most psychic force. And so the skull of a hong prai child, meaning a child who died a horrific death is greatly sought after.
The Panneng
Pannengs are very rare these modern days, mostly because it is now illegal to dig graves and decapitate corpses to make Pannengs. But they can still be found, rarely if ever, in the "black magic market" of Asia. You just have to have the right connections. It is believed in our culture that fate unites or pairs a person with a Panneng and its spirit. In the black magic market, a Panneng can go for $30,000 or more.
In August of last year, fate brought me into contact with someone from whom I obtained my Panneng. I had bought the Panneng at that time strictly as a culturally historical artifact. Pannengs are very rare. The one I obtained was over 150 years old, made by a necromancer who belonged to one of the hill tribes that lived along the Burma (Myanmar) and Thailand border.
The Panneng I got is very thin and came from the skull of a boy who was around the age of 4-5 when he died, of terrible causes. On the back of the Panneng are magical inscriptions in Sanskrit. It is wrapped in a nice acrylic casing, so that it can be worn as a pendant. But the spirit of the boy is not in the Panneng. Instead, the spirit of a dead fetus was necromantically tied to the Panneng. In this case, it is called a Panneng Luk Krok. This is a to a few things about a Luk Krok.
I wore the Panneng on me. It was exciting for me to know a little about the history of occultism and witchcraft in my culture, and to own an old style Panneng.
And that was all I did with it. I just wore it as a rare historical artifact. I wasn't wanting or looking to be a witch. I actually doubted that my Panneng or any Panneng had spirits in it. I believed it was all folklore the elders tell and retell.
The Awakening
I did nothing with my Panneng. I often forgot I even had it on most times. But, 6 months after I got the Panneng, which was January of this year, I began to experience something very strange. I began to experience these reoccurring daydreams. In the daydreams I made an altar for the Panneng and gave it offerings. I tried to ignore those daydreams. But the daydream kept coming back each day, as I went to bed.
And so, after two weeks of having those daydreams, I decided to go ahead and make an altar for the Panneng and I began to give it offerings. Traditionally, the way you make offerings is that each time you eat anything, you take a portion of what you are eating, set that portion on a small plate, and set the plate on the altar. Drinks such as milk, soda, juice, water, and liquor are also offered. A mantra in Sanskrit is also chanted every day for the Panneng, which feeds the Panneng spiritually. Incense is also burned at the altar for the Panneng every day.
The reoccurring daydreams stopped the day after I began making traditional offerings to the Panneng at its altar I had made for it.
A month after, in February, I began to have vivid visions. I would sit, quietly in my room, at night, and meditate for a few minutes, like I usually do before bed. But in February, the meditations were different. In meditation, I got pulled into a trance state, lost awareness of my room and surroundings, and I saw very vivid and realistic things. At first I saw a forest of trees. Then other days I saw animals in the forest. Then a village in the forest.
And in those visions, I began to, bit by bit, see a story unfold. I saw a Naga man. There are indigenous tribes of people across India and Burma called the Naga people, who were, up until recently headhunters.
In the visions, I saw a Naga man walking in the forest, and he heard the crying of a baby. The Naga man searched for the crying baby, and found a discarded fetus by a tree. The fetus was tiny and fit in his palm. It was undeveloped. I saw the Naga man feeling sorry for the spirit of the fetus, and I saw him perform a ceremony which placed the spirit of the fetus inside the forehead bone of a boy. And I saw the Naga man care for the fetus spirit as his own child.
I've had vivid dreams before. Even lucid dreams. But those visions I experienced were different. They looked more vivid than any lucid dream I had. I assumed that my Panneng may have a spirit attached to it, and the spirit was trying to tell me its story. After I had those visions, something changed inside of me, like the Naga man, I too felt sorry for the spirit of the dead fetus. I made a promise that like the Naga man, I will take care of it and love it as my own child.
A month after, which was March of this year, those meditations stopped producing visions. Instead, the meditations pulled me into a trance, and in a trance, half conscious and half asleep, something absolutely bizarre happened. I hear music in my mind, like a you were to have a vivid memory of listening to music. It was traditional music. And I felt my body get up, on its feet (my feet), and my body began to dance traditional dances. I was aware enough to know that I was not moving my body, something else was. I was also aware enough to know that I did not actually know any of those traditional style of dances.
The dancing went on for about 30 minutes. After each dancing, my body sat back down, and still in a trance, I stared at the candle flame, on the Panneng's altar, and I heard a voice in my mind, speak to me. The voice was in my mind, but at the same time, it seemed as if it was also coming from the candle flame I was staring at. The voice used my vocabulary to explain things to me. The spirit in the Panneng was talking to me. They were mostly instructions and mostly answers to my questions. I would ask a question, and a voice gave the answer. From those sessions, I learned that the spirit had a gender, it was a girl, and she had her own name. I agreed to take care of the spirit and love her as my own daughter, in return for the spirit to keep me safe, and teach me things.
The Interactions
When April came, I was comfortable with the little spirit of my Panneng. Comfortable with how she interacts and plays with me. She interacts with me via a Two-Headed possession. When I am not in a trance, the little spirit of my Panneng communicates with me primarily via pantomiming, meaning she moves and controls my hands and head to make gestures. A second method of communication is when she pops images into my mind.
When I'm not in a trance, the little spirit has the personality, persona, traits, and characteristics of a 2-year-old. Since, the spirit can move and control my body, she can also move and control my vocal cords and mouth, and so, when I am not in a trance, the little spirit will say a word or two as a third way of communicating with me.
Playing consists of quiet time drawing. I have a notebook, and I hold a pen in my right hand, and the little spirit in my Penneng uses my hand and pen to draw pictures. They are crude pictures you would expect a 3-5 year old draw. Playing also is sometimes bizarre and scary where the spirit at night, when I am asleep, will move my body, arms, fingers, sometimes erratically.
By this time, my family knew I had the Panneng, and my sister and mother treated the little spirit of my Panneng as part of the family. They would buy her sweets if she gave them predictions. The little spirit is good at interpreting poker cards (divination). They would ask a question, I'd lay down a few cards, and the spirit interprets the cards for them.
The spirit also warns you or forewarns you of danger or trouble. One time, I heard the little spirit tell me, "Be careful..." and I saw a cop car. That same day a cop pulled me over for speeding. Another day, the spirit said, "Be Careful..." and I saw a car accident. I took heed and I drove that day as careful as I could, and when I stopped at a red light, a car behind me slammed into my bumper.
The spirit also helps you and takes care of you. My sister and I got promotions at our respective work places. Traditionally, when the spirit does things for you, you buy it toys and sweets.
The Grave Of Fireflies
It was in April that the little spirit of my Panneng drew for me a very odd picture. The picture was of me standing at the foot of a grave. The grave was dug out and a pile of dirt was by my feet. In the grave the spirit drew a skull, ribs, arm and leg bones. In the grave she also drew what looked like little balls that looked like round candy in wrappers.
I asked the spirit what those round ball things were. She didn't give me an answer. I asked if they were flowers. The spirit shook my head, meaning no. I asked if they were mushrooms. The spirit shook my head again. I asked if they were candy, and they weren't that either. Perplexed, I then asked if they were bugs. The spirit nodded my head to mean yes. I told the little spirit that bugs have 6 legs, and her bugs seem to have 4 antennas and no legs. So I asked the spirit what kind of bugs they were. By the picture of the grave the spirit wrote in letters: "You will see."
I meditated that evening, and the spirit pulled me into a trance. In the trance I saw a vivid vision. In the vision I was flying through a graveyard. It was at night, and there was fog in some parts of the graveyard. I saw head stones, and tombs.
After flying in the graveyard for a while, in the vision, I was brought down to stand on the ground. I saw in front of me was a dug out grave. In the grave I saw a skeleton. And crawling on the skeleton I saw insects. I saw the insects fly out of the grave and they glowed. They were fireflies.
I didn't understand the meaning of that drawing. I simply dismissed it as a 2-year-old spirit drawing random stuff. But I told my sister about the cool and interesting vision I had flying around the graveyard and seeing fireflies come out of a grave.
My sister told me that "Grave of Fireflies" was an anime movie she liked. I had never seen it or heard of it, and so she went to get a CD which had that anime movie on it in her room. While she went to get that CD I googled things about graves and fireflies and learned that the Japanese believed that when a soldier died, his spirit leaves his grave as a firefly to reincarnate.
We watched the anime movie. "Grave of Fireflies" is a very sad movie. It takes place near the end of WW2 in Japan. A boy and his little sister become orphans when their mother died in a city that was bombed. The two siblings, as orphans, live in a cave by the beach and take care of each other as best as they can. The boy's little sister ends up dying from having nothing to eat.
A couple weeks after the spirit drew that strange picture of fireflies coming out of a grave, she was drawing one evening, and below her drawing she wrote in letters: "Your life will change soon. You will see." I wrote a date below that message the spirit wrote for me. I kept that message to myself for a while. I spent many nights wondering what kind of changes I will experience.
The Unexpected
In June of this year, something happened. My mom one evening began to vomit uncontrollably. It began at night, lasted through the night, and into the morning. My sister took our mom to the emergency room as soon as morning came. I went to work. My sister and I thought mom had a bad stomach flu.
At work, I laid down three cards about my mom and asked the spirit to interpret the cards for me. The spirit said to expect bad news. I texted my sister what the spirit had said, to expect bad news. 20 minutes later my sister calls me. Her voice was shaking and distraught. She said, "Can you come here right now. It's cancer."
My heart fell to the floor hearing that. I told my boss and raced down to the hospital. There were no signs. My mom seemed healthy, she rarely ever got sick. Cancer? How? Where from?
The doctors placed a tube down her throat to pump her stomach. They explained to my sister and I that mom had a very large growth in her intestines which was blocking everything, which was why she was vomiting. They said the growth had to be removed that same day, or mom would die a painful death. My sister and I talked to mom and convinced her to get the surgery. Mom agreed. And so they took her in that day to remove the growth.
My sister and I sat in the waiting room that day. I paced up and down, back and forth. The doctors at the time didn't know what the growth was, they suspected that it might be cancer but can't be sure until they removed it and tested it.
I paced around and dreaded knowing the future. I tried not to think about my Panneng. Several hours into the surgery, my sister asked me to read the cards and see what the little spirit says. I didn't want to do it, but my sister wanted to know, and a part of me did too. I laid down three cards. Spades came out. The little spirit gave the interpretation: Your worst fears will come true. The diagnosis is very bad.
My sister and I just looked at each other. We were at the verge of entering a state of shock.
Eight hours later, the surgeon came out to speak with us. My heart was beating hard in my chest. The lady surgeon told me and my sister that the surgery was successful. She had removed about 7 inches of mom's intestines which had the growths on it. The surgeon said that she was 100% certain that it was colon cancer. She said that the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes, her stomach, and liver.
The surgeon left. My sister and I were officially in a state of shock.
When mom woke up and was rested and fully conscious, the surgeon came into the room to tell our mom, who doesn't understand English too deeply, the good and bad news. Good news was the surgery was a success. The bad news... the surgeon said to mom, "This is what will end your life okay? It can be anywhere between 2 months up to 6 months."
Mom looked at us, after the surgeon left, and said to me and my sister: "Did you understand? What did she say?"
The Last Months
We took it one day at a time. My sister and I were concerned about mom recovering from her surgery. She had a big incision on her abdomen and staples. Mom came from a culture that strongly believes that our spirit does not die and in reincarnation. Her cultural beliefs were so strong, that she wasn't even concerned about dying. She shrugs her shoulders and tells me and my sister: "Whatever will be will be. If I'm fated to die, then I will die. It's fate. Let things take its course."
We pushed her around in a wheelchair for a few weeks, spent time with her, talked to her. Fed her, washed her. And by July she was walking again and they had removed the staples.
But in August, just a few months ago, a bad pain came into her legs. It began in her feet, and very slowly moved up her leg, to her calves, then to her knees. Her legs hurt so bad, that she couldn't sleep at night.
I was worried. I asked the little spirit of my Panneng if she can save my mom's life. In a trance the spirit said, "I can help alleviate the pain in her legs, but I can't change fate." I asked when it will happen. The spirit said, "Before this month ends, on Sunday, when the sun is gone."
I told my sister what the spirit had said, about the time mom would die. We were both still in a state of shock to be emotional.
I felt a heavy burden on my shoulders. The burden of knowing the future, and not being able to do anything about it, except wait and watch things unfold. Like a bud, fated to be a flower, unfolds.
And so as the weeks past, mom slept more and ate less and less. She lost a lot of weight and blood.
On Wednesday the 21st of August, mom requested to go to the Emergency room. She was admitted and given two bags of blood and an IV. And then she was placed into Comfort Care.
My sister and I had a final talk with her that Wednesday, and the following day (Thursday). On Thursday mom asked me to ask my spirit what the spirt has to say about her dying. The spirit whispered in my mind a message. I said to my mom, "The spirit says you will go in your sleep, no pain." Mom nodded, and said, "Let it be."
By Thursday evening mom was in a deep sleep, from which she never really woke from.
My sister and I had called our aunts and uncles, mom's siblings. They all lived far away. They were on their way. They asked me to tell mom to wait for them. I told mom, in her deep sleep, "Mom, your sisters and brothers are driving here. They are on their way to see you and say goodbye. They want you to wait. The spirit says you are lingering because you want to see your favorite sister. After you see her, you have to go. You can't linger and stay here no more. Your body is too sick. You need to go to be with your father and mother in the spirit world. Don't worry about us."
The aunts and uncles arrived at the hospital Friday. Mom was in a deep sleep and non-responsive. The aunts and uncles one by one said their goodbyes. My mom's favorite sister said her goodbyes. They left to rest in a hotel, and would come back later.
The Long Night
It was Saturday, the 24th of August. I was at home, resting. At 3:45 PM, my phone died. It was perfectly fine and working before, but it was completely dead. Wouldn't turn on, wouldn't charge. I left the house and sped off to the hospital.
Mom was deeper asleep. Now completely unconscious. I wanted to stay the night with mom, since the spirit of the Panneng said that mom would die on Sunday, when the sun was gone. I wanted to be there for her last breath. My oldest aunt decided to stay the night also.
It was the two of us. I didn't sleep that Saturday night. I paced back and forth. Whispering to my mom, telling her that she needs to let go and go to the spirit world and not stay here anymore.
At 9PM her breathing changed. She was doing what they call a "death rattle." I paced around and asked the spirit of my Panneng to help my mom leave her body and find her way to her people in the spirit world. The little spirit nodded my head and promised that she would help mom leave her body and cross over.
My sister came to join me and our oldest aunt at 5 AM. It was still very dark outside. The three of us sat together and talked in a whisper. Our aunt whispered to us saying, "It's not good to be close to them when they are dying. It makes them hold on. It's hard, but try to stay away, keep your distance, and leave her alone. That's what we did with your grandmother, and she left." Grandmother died a year before mom.
We sat there together talking, trying to do what our aunt said. We left mom alone in her hospital bed and talked quietly amongst ourselves at the other side of the room.
Mom stopped her death rattle at 5:43, and breathed differently and slowly. My aunt, sister, and I noticed the difference in breathing pattern and stopped talking, watching mom. At 5:45 AM, on Sunday, mom took her last breath.
I ran to her bed when she did not inhale. And I watched her ribs to see if I could see any movement. My sister, covering her mouth and crying, came to the bed also. We waited that long ten minutes. She never inhaled. My sister said, "She was there for our first breath and we were here for her last." The three of us were holding and hugging each other, at the foot of her bed.
It was a month after mom had died that I showed my sister the things the spirit of my Panneng had written for me, telling me that my life will change, and that I will see. I had dated it.
We were in such distraught and distress those months, that we never pondered on that strange drawing the spirit drew of fireflies in a grave. It wasn't until much later, that I suddenly realized that the anime movie "Grave of Fireflies" was about a mother dying leaving her children behind who were then orphans looking after each other.
The spirit of the Panneng has told my sister and I that the changes in our lives is not over. The spirit has recently informed my sister that 6 months from now, she will be working a new job. We've seen that the spirit is accurate. And so we wait for the changes to come.
Every indigenous culture has their own witchcraft. My own culture is no different. At the center of the witchcraft of my culture is the necromantic spirit of a dead person.
In ancient biblical times, it was the same. What has been translated into English as "familiar spirit" in the original Hebrew of the Old Testament once meant the spirit of a dead person. This is a about what Familiar Spirit meant in the Old Testament. And this is a second about familiar spirits being associated with sorcerers and necromancers in the bible.
In ancient times, the witches of my culture used to make something called a "Panneng." The process of making a Panneng is elaborate. A grave of a recently dead person must be dug. The person must be a "hong prai." The word Hong means to die screaming and the word prai means a corpse or ghost. In other words, the dead person must be a person who died in agony, suddenly, tragically, in a lot of pain.
Once the grave is dug the head of the hong prai is cut off. The head is kept and allowed to rot until the skull is exposed. Once the skull is exposed, mantras in Sanskrit are etched into the skull, a necromantic ceremony is performed which calls the spirit of that dead person and bind or ties that spirit with the skull. Animals are then sacrificed, and the fresh blood is fed to the skull.
Most often, that skull is all that is needed. The witch would make an altar for the skull, venerate it, and regularly offer the necromantic spirit in the skull offerings of food, drinks, alcohol, incense, and candle. In exchange for the veneration and offerings, the necromantic spirit protects the witch, teaches the witch magic and sorcery, and will do the witches bidding.
Sometimes the witch will carefully cut a special part of that skull off. The part that the witch cuts out is the forehead bone just above the eyebrows, where the third eye is. This is a special place because, in our culture it is believed that consciousness and will power resides in that spot of the forehead. The whole skull is not actually necessary. Only that portion of the forehead. That portion is called the "Penneng." The necromantic spirit of the dead person resides in the Panneng. Unlike a whole skull, a Panneng is portable and can be worn on the witch.
It is believed in our culture that the skull of a young child possesses the most psychic force. And so the skull of a hong prai child, meaning a child who died a horrific death is greatly sought after.
The Panneng
Pannengs are very rare these modern days, mostly because it is now illegal to dig graves and decapitate corpses to make Pannengs. But they can still be found, rarely if ever, in the "black magic market" of Asia. You just have to have the right connections. It is believed in our culture that fate unites or pairs a person with a Panneng and its spirit. In the black magic market, a Panneng can go for $30,000 or more.
In August of last year, fate brought me into contact with someone from whom I obtained my Panneng. I had bought the Panneng at that time strictly as a culturally historical artifact. Pannengs are very rare. The one I obtained was over 150 years old, made by a necromancer who belonged to one of the hill tribes that lived along the Burma (Myanmar) and Thailand border.
The Panneng I got is very thin and came from the skull of a boy who was around the age of 4-5 when he died, of terrible causes. On the back of the Panneng are magical inscriptions in Sanskrit. It is wrapped in a nice acrylic casing, so that it can be worn as a pendant. But the spirit of the boy is not in the Panneng. Instead, the spirit of a dead fetus was necromantically tied to the Panneng. In this case, it is called a Panneng Luk Krok. This is a to a few things about a Luk Krok.
I wore the Panneng on me. It was exciting for me to know a little about the history of occultism and witchcraft in my culture, and to own an old style Panneng.
And that was all I did with it. I just wore it as a rare historical artifact. I wasn't wanting or looking to be a witch. I actually doubted that my Panneng or any Panneng had spirits in it. I believed it was all folklore the elders tell and retell.
The Awakening
I did nothing with my Panneng. I often forgot I even had it on most times. But, 6 months after I got the Panneng, which was January of this year, I began to experience something very strange. I began to experience these reoccurring daydreams. In the daydreams I made an altar for the Panneng and gave it offerings. I tried to ignore those daydreams. But the daydream kept coming back each day, as I went to bed.
And so, after two weeks of having those daydreams, I decided to go ahead and make an altar for the Panneng and I began to give it offerings. Traditionally, the way you make offerings is that each time you eat anything, you take a portion of what you are eating, set that portion on a small plate, and set the plate on the altar. Drinks such as milk, soda, juice, water, and liquor are also offered. A mantra in Sanskrit is also chanted every day for the Panneng, which feeds the Panneng spiritually. Incense is also burned at the altar for the Panneng every day.
The reoccurring daydreams stopped the day after I began making traditional offerings to the Panneng at its altar I had made for it.
A month after, in February, I began to have vivid visions. I would sit, quietly in my room, at night, and meditate for a few minutes, like I usually do before bed. But in February, the meditations were different. In meditation, I got pulled into a trance state, lost awareness of my room and surroundings, and I saw very vivid and realistic things. At first I saw a forest of trees. Then other days I saw animals in the forest. Then a village in the forest.
And in those visions, I began to, bit by bit, see a story unfold. I saw a Naga man. There are indigenous tribes of people across India and Burma called the Naga people, who were, up until recently headhunters.
In the visions, I saw a Naga man walking in the forest, and he heard the crying of a baby. The Naga man searched for the crying baby, and found a discarded fetus by a tree. The fetus was tiny and fit in his palm. It was undeveloped. I saw the Naga man feeling sorry for the spirit of the fetus, and I saw him perform a ceremony which placed the spirit of the fetus inside the forehead bone of a boy. And I saw the Naga man care for the fetus spirit as his own child.
I've had vivid dreams before. Even lucid dreams. But those visions I experienced were different. They looked more vivid than any lucid dream I had. I assumed that my Panneng may have a spirit attached to it, and the spirit was trying to tell me its story. After I had those visions, something changed inside of me, like the Naga man, I too felt sorry for the spirit of the dead fetus. I made a promise that like the Naga man, I will take care of it and love it as my own child.
A month after, which was March of this year, those meditations stopped producing visions. Instead, the meditations pulled me into a trance, and in a trance, half conscious and half asleep, something absolutely bizarre happened. I hear music in my mind, like a you were to have a vivid memory of listening to music. It was traditional music. And I felt my body get up, on its feet (my feet), and my body began to dance traditional dances. I was aware enough to know that I was not moving my body, something else was. I was also aware enough to know that I did not actually know any of those traditional style of dances.
The dancing went on for about 30 minutes. After each dancing, my body sat back down, and still in a trance, I stared at the candle flame, on the Panneng's altar, and I heard a voice in my mind, speak to me. The voice was in my mind, but at the same time, it seemed as if it was also coming from the candle flame I was staring at. The voice used my vocabulary to explain things to me. The spirit in the Panneng was talking to me. They were mostly instructions and mostly answers to my questions. I would ask a question, and a voice gave the answer. From those sessions, I learned that the spirit had a gender, it was a girl, and she had her own name. I agreed to take care of the spirit and love her as my own daughter, in return for the spirit to keep me safe, and teach me things.
The Interactions
When April came, I was comfortable with the little spirit of my Panneng. Comfortable with how she interacts and plays with me. She interacts with me via a Two-Headed possession. When I am not in a trance, the little spirit of my Panneng communicates with me primarily via pantomiming, meaning she moves and controls my hands and head to make gestures. A second method of communication is when she pops images into my mind.
When I'm not in a trance, the little spirit has the personality, persona, traits, and characteristics of a 2-year-old. Since, the spirit can move and control my body, she can also move and control my vocal cords and mouth, and so, when I am not in a trance, the little spirit will say a word or two as a third way of communicating with me.
Playing consists of quiet time drawing. I have a notebook, and I hold a pen in my right hand, and the little spirit in my Penneng uses my hand and pen to draw pictures. They are crude pictures you would expect a 3-5 year old draw. Playing also is sometimes bizarre and scary where the spirit at night, when I am asleep, will move my body, arms, fingers, sometimes erratically.
By this time, my family knew I had the Panneng, and my sister and mother treated the little spirit of my Panneng as part of the family. They would buy her sweets if she gave them predictions. The little spirit is good at interpreting poker cards (divination). They would ask a question, I'd lay down a few cards, and the spirit interprets the cards for them.
The spirit also warns you or forewarns you of danger or trouble. One time, I heard the little spirit tell me, "Be careful..." and I saw a cop car. That same day a cop pulled me over for speeding. Another day, the spirit said, "Be Careful..." and I saw a car accident. I took heed and I drove that day as careful as I could, and when I stopped at a red light, a car behind me slammed into my bumper.
The spirit also helps you and takes care of you. My sister and I got promotions at our respective work places. Traditionally, when the spirit does things for you, you buy it toys and sweets.
The Grave Of Fireflies
It was in April that the little spirit of my Panneng drew for me a very odd picture. The picture was of me standing at the foot of a grave. The grave was dug out and a pile of dirt was by my feet. In the grave the spirit drew a skull, ribs, arm and leg bones. In the grave she also drew what looked like little balls that looked like round candy in wrappers.
I asked the spirit what those round ball things were. She didn't give me an answer. I asked if they were flowers. The spirit shook my head, meaning no. I asked if they were mushrooms. The spirit shook my head again. I asked if they were candy, and they weren't that either. Perplexed, I then asked if they were bugs. The spirit nodded my head to mean yes. I told the little spirit that bugs have 6 legs, and her bugs seem to have 4 antennas and no legs. So I asked the spirit what kind of bugs they were. By the picture of the grave the spirit wrote in letters: "You will see."
I meditated that evening, and the spirit pulled me into a trance. In the trance I saw a vivid vision. In the vision I was flying through a graveyard. It was at night, and there was fog in some parts of the graveyard. I saw head stones, and tombs.
After flying in the graveyard for a while, in the vision, I was brought down to stand on the ground. I saw in front of me was a dug out grave. In the grave I saw a skeleton. And crawling on the skeleton I saw insects. I saw the insects fly out of the grave and they glowed. They were fireflies.
I didn't understand the meaning of that drawing. I simply dismissed it as a 2-year-old spirit drawing random stuff. But I told my sister about the cool and interesting vision I had flying around the graveyard and seeing fireflies come out of a grave.
My sister told me that "Grave of Fireflies" was an anime movie she liked. I had never seen it or heard of it, and so she went to get a CD which had that anime movie on it in her room. While she went to get that CD I googled things about graves and fireflies and learned that the Japanese believed that when a soldier died, his spirit leaves his grave as a firefly to reincarnate.
We watched the anime movie. "Grave of Fireflies" is a very sad movie. It takes place near the end of WW2 in Japan. A boy and his little sister become orphans when their mother died in a city that was bombed. The two siblings, as orphans, live in a cave by the beach and take care of each other as best as they can. The boy's little sister ends up dying from having nothing to eat.
A couple weeks after the spirit drew that strange picture of fireflies coming out of a grave, she was drawing one evening, and below her drawing she wrote in letters: "Your life will change soon. You will see." I wrote a date below that message the spirit wrote for me. I kept that message to myself for a while. I spent many nights wondering what kind of changes I will experience.
The Unexpected
In June of this year, something happened. My mom one evening began to vomit uncontrollably. It began at night, lasted through the night, and into the morning. My sister took our mom to the emergency room as soon as morning came. I went to work. My sister and I thought mom had a bad stomach flu.
At work, I laid down three cards about my mom and asked the spirit to interpret the cards for me. The spirit said to expect bad news. I texted my sister what the spirit had said, to expect bad news. 20 minutes later my sister calls me. Her voice was shaking and distraught. She said, "Can you come here right now. It's cancer."
My heart fell to the floor hearing that. I told my boss and raced down to the hospital. There were no signs. My mom seemed healthy, she rarely ever got sick. Cancer? How? Where from?
The doctors placed a tube down her throat to pump her stomach. They explained to my sister and I that mom had a very large growth in her intestines which was blocking everything, which was why she was vomiting. They said the growth had to be removed that same day, or mom would die a painful death. My sister and I talked to mom and convinced her to get the surgery. Mom agreed. And so they took her in that day to remove the growth.
My sister and I sat in the waiting room that day. I paced up and down, back and forth. The doctors at the time didn't know what the growth was, they suspected that it might be cancer but can't be sure until they removed it and tested it.
I paced around and dreaded knowing the future. I tried not to think about my Panneng. Several hours into the surgery, my sister asked me to read the cards and see what the little spirit says. I didn't want to do it, but my sister wanted to know, and a part of me did too. I laid down three cards. Spades came out. The little spirit gave the interpretation: Your worst fears will come true. The diagnosis is very bad.
My sister and I just looked at each other. We were at the verge of entering a state of shock.
Eight hours later, the surgeon came out to speak with us. My heart was beating hard in my chest. The lady surgeon told me and my sister that the surgery was successful. She had removed about 7 inches of mom's intestines which had the growths on it. The surgeon said that she was 100% certain that it was colon cancer. She said that the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes, her stomach, and liver.
The surgeon left. My sister and I were officially in a state of shock.
When mom woke up and was rested and fully conscious, the surgeon came into the room to tell our mom, who doesn't understand English too deeply, the good and bad news. Good news was the surgery was a success. The bad news... the surgeon said to mom, "This is what will end your life okay? It can be anywhere between 2 months up to 6 months."
Mom looked at us, after the surgeon left, and said to me and my sister: "Did you understand? What did she say?"
The Last Months
We took it one day at a time. My sister and I were concerned about mom recovering from her surgery. She had a big incision on her abdomen and staples. Mom came from a culture that strongly believes that our spirit does not die and in reincarnation. Her cultural beliefs were so strong, that she wasn't even concerned about dying. She shrugs her shoulders and tells me and my sister: "Whatever will be will be. If I'm fated to die, then I will die. It's fate. Let things take its course."
We pushed her around in a wheelchair for a few weeks, spent time with her, talked to her. Fed her, washed her. And by July she was walking again and they had removed the staples.
But in August, just a few months ago, a bad pain came into her legs. It began in her feet, and very slowly moved up her leg, to her calves, then to her knees. Her legs hurt so bad, that she couldn't sleep at night.
I was worried. I asked the little spirit of my Panneng if she can save my mom's life. In a trance the spirit said, "I can help alleviate the pain in her legs, but I can't change fate." I asked when it will happen. The spirit said, "Before this month ends, on Sunday, when the sun is gone."
I told my sister what the spirit had said, about the time mom would die. We were both still in a state of shock to be emotional.
I felt a heavy burden on my shoulders. The burden of knowing the future, and not being able to do anything about it, except wait and watch things unfold. Like a bud, fated to be a flower, unfolds.
And so as the weeks past, mom slept more and ate less and less. She lost a lot of weight and blood.
On Wednesday the 21st of August, mom requested to go to the Emergency room. She was admitted and given two bags of blood and an IV. And then she was placed into Comfort Care.
My sister and I had a final talk with her that Wednesday, and the following day (Thursday). On Thursday mom asked me to ask my spirit what the spirt has to say about her dying. The spirit whispered in my mind a message. I said to my mom, "The spirit says you will go in your sleep, no pain." Mom nodded, and said, "Let it be."
By Thursday evening mom was in a deep sleep, from which she never really woke from.
My sister and I had called our aunts and uncles, mom's siblings. They all lived far away. They were on their way. They asked me to tell mom to wait for them. I told mom, in her deep sleep, "Mom, your sisters and brothers are driving here. They are on their way to see you and say goodbye. They want you to wait. The spirit says you are lingering because you want to see your favorite sister. After you see her, you have to go. You can't linger and stay here no more. Your body is too sick. You need to go to be with your father and mother in the spirit world. Don't worry about us."
The aunts and uncles arrived at the hospital Friday. Mom was in a deep sleep and non-responsive. The aunts and uncles one by one said their goodbyes. My mom's favorite sister said her goodbyes. They left to rest in a hotel, and would come back later.
The Long Night
It was Saturday, the 24th of August. I was at home, resting. At 3:45 PM, my phone died. It was perfectly fine and working before, but it was completely dead. Wouldn't turn on, wouldn't charge. I left the house and sped off to the hospital.
Mom was deeper asleep. Now completely unconscious. I wanted to stay the night with mom, since the spirit of the Panneng said that mom would die on Sunday, when the sun was gone. I wanted to be there for her last breath. My oldest aunt decided to stay the night also.
It was the two of us. I didn't sleep that Saturday night. I paced back and forth. Whispering to my mom, telling her that she needs to let go and go to the spirit world and not stay here anymore.
At 9PM her breathing changed. She was doing what they call a "death rattle." I paced around and asked the spirit of my Panneng to help my mom leave her body and find her way to her people in the spirit world. The little spirit nodded my head and promised that she would help mom leave her body and cross over.
My sister came to join me and our oldest aunt at 5 AM. It was still very dark outside. The three of us sat together and talked in a whisper. Our aunt whispered to us saying, "It's not good to be close to them when they are dying. It makes them hold on. It's hard, but try to stay away, keep your distance, and leave her alone. That's what we did with your grandmother, and she left." Grandmother died a year before mom.
We sat there together talking, trying to do what our aunt said. We left mom alone in her hospital bed and talked quietly amongst ourselves at the other side of the room.
Mom stopped her death rattle at 5:43, and breathed differently and slowly. My aunt, sister, and I noticed the difference in breathing pattern and stopped talking, watching mom. At 5:45 AM, on Sunday, mom took her last breath.
I ran to her bed when she did not inhale. And I watched her ribs to see if I could see any movement. My sister, covering her mouth and crying, came to the bed also. We waited that long ten minutes. She never inhaled. My sister said, "She was there for our first breath and we were here for her last." The three of us were holding and hugging each other, at the foot of her bed.
It was a month after mom had died that I showed my sister the things the spirit of my Panneng had written for me, telling me that my life will change, and that I will see. I had dated it.
We were in such distraught and distress those months, that we never pondered on that strange drawing the spirit drew of fireflies in a grave. It wasn't until much later, that I suddenly realized that the anime movie "Grave of Fireflies" was about a mother dying leaving her children behind who were then orphans looking after each other.
The spirit of the Panneng has told my sister and I that the changes in our lives is not over. The spirit has recently informed my sister that 6 months from now, she will be working a new job. We've seen that the spirit is accurate. And so we wait for the changes to come.