[Help] Is there exists something like the inner child and magick can help it?

[ZapataLunac]

I was looking at a photo of myself as a child, and I noticed that as a child I had a different essence, I don't know if I should call it a personality, I would classify it more as the raw essence of who I was born to be, and I liked that essence, but given that I suffered abuse in my childhood, I feel that from then on my essence became deconfigured, so to speak, and I would like to know if within magic there is a way to dust off that essence again and strengthen it. I ask this here because I believe that magic is related to the hidden mechanisms of the psyche in some way, and it is in my psyche where I suppose the essence of who I was as a child is hidden. I don't mean becoming childlike again, but rather bringing the good qualities that I was born with and integrating them with the adult qualities that I have today.

 

[FireBorn]

This is one of the most honest and important questions Ive seen in a while, and yeah, Ive wrestled with the same thing.

There were times I looked at old pictures or asked myself, “Would I go back and change anything? What would I say to my 18-year-old self?”
My answer? Not a damn thing. I wouldnt have listened. Hell, I wouldve been terrified of the man i have become. And worse, it might have altered my path, and I wouldnt trade this fire for anything.

Everything I went through, including trauma, became the crucible for who I am now. And I like that man. I can look into the mirror and not flinch. That means something.

But back to your question:

“Is there a way, through magick, to recover that essence?”

Yeah. I believe so. But youre not trying to go back. Youre trying to integrate.

So I ask you:

• Have you crossed the Abyss?
• Have you done shadow work?
• Have you sat in the dark and met all the versions of you that you hid or hated?

Because that essence youre talking about, its still there. It didnt die. It just got buried under masks, fears, ego identities, and survival responses.

Shadow work is the path that lets you dig it up and reintegrate it, not as nostalgia, but as power.

You dont need to become childlike again. You need to become whole, and magick, when done right, is damn good at that.

If youre asking this question, maybe its time.

 

[ZapataLunac]

Wow, thank you for your response, it is intriguing what you say. To response your questions: I have not crossed the Abyss, (is that the final part of ceremonial magick like the Golden Dawn system?), I have not done shadow work (could you recommend a source, book, webpage, etc to do so), and I haven't sat in the dark and met all the versions of me that i hid or hated (is this also achievable with shadow work or how it is done so?). Thank you very much!

 

[FireBorn]

You asked some real questions, they deserve real answers.

You dont need robes or Golden Dawn grades to “cross the Abyss.” That version might work for some, but the Abyss isnt a ceremony, its the death of who you thought you were. When it happens, you’ll know. You wont be reciting Latin. You’ll be clawing through yourself with no guarantee you’ll make it.

For me, Lilith took me to the edge of it. I didnt go on my own, I was dragged. She initiated me fully. I was never the same. I still dont know how to get back there by myself. Maybe youre not supposed to. Maybe I will need to return to it again at some point, I dont know. Maybe it takes something ancient, wild, and unmerciful to lead you to the edge of your own damnation so you can choose what survives.

So yeah, magick can help. But dont think of it as a toolkit. Think of it as a crucible.

Shadow Work:

My take, no fluff:

• Sit alone. No phone. No music.
• Ask yourself:
  What version of me did I kill to survive?
  What lie did I swallow to feel safe?
  What part of me scares the fuck out of me because it’s still alive underneath all this?

Then dont flinch when the answer comes.

You can write it out. You can do this in trance. You can ask a spirit to witness it (recommeded as we are amazing liars to ourselves lol). But you don’t need a technique. You need truth, and the balls to stand in it without running.

Youre Not Trying To Go Back:

That child version of you? That essence you remember? Hes not dead. He got wrapped in armor. Survival mode buried him. But hes still there, waiting to be integrated, not as nostalgia, but as fire. You dont become childlike again. You become whole. Thats the work.

Integration is never complete. Its a lifetime of work. Takes the pressure of performance out of it. No racing, just living, integrating and improving yourself and your life.

You asked this question. That means youre ready to begin.

Maybe there are practitioners here who know more about it than I do and have an actual map to get there. Im not that person, sorry. Im not going to pretend otherwise.

Hope something helps. I also hope others chime in so you can get a well rounded set of experiences. Just using my lens may not be the best thing for you.

 

[Frater Barritus]

I think a lot of us can relate to this, even people who haven’t been through abuse or other tragedies. There’s such power in a child’s worldview - limitless possibilities, an optimism not yet dulled by prolonged contact with the ‘real world’. It’s a very magical mindset. As we get older, that essence is diluted and muddied, we have contact with people or situations that prey on such innocence.

I’d recommend you check out Aiden Wachter’s “Reclaiming Rite” in his book Six Ways. Its a powerful little ritual involving focussing on a photo of oneself as a child while calling back and returning any and all lost, stolen or given away power, and blessing yourself as an avatar of the ineffable. This little ten minute ritual is a powerful psychological exercise if nothing else (I was in tears the first few times I did it). Take it on as a daily practice for a week or month and you’ll notice a personal change.

It’s in the library on here if you want to download it but I’d also recommend buying his books to support him, I think he’s great.