[Opinion] Rebuilding nuked Self-esteem, Self-confidence and Self-worth?

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Thought Id open YAOT, yet another opinion thread. Just as the title states, my self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth were nuked beyond repair.

I'm in the near future entering therapy, but in the meantime, pursuing social outlets as a way to rebuild myself.

Non-magickally speaking (nor mysticism for that matter), what are ways to rebuild the self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth, without feeding the ego?

 

[pixel_fortune]

It really depends in what areas and in response to what it's tanked (eg "I feel like I'm annoying and no one wants me around" is a different type of low self-esteem to "I feel incompetent and like I can never do any tasks right")

But a key is building up trust/faith in yourself. So that means baby steps done REALLY well. Like making a small commitment and keeping that small commitment like it's a blood oath. There's this idea of "re-parenting" (being the parent you needed when you were a kid). Kids need encouragement and non-judgemental compassion from their parents, but they also need a regular schedule and boundaries. What makes a parent trustworthy to a kid? You do those things, and you start to trust yourself, which is much the same as confidence and self-respect. Another example: kids want to be able to tell their parents that they fucked up without getting screamed at or belittled. If they can't trust their parent to respond kindly, they will stop being honest with them. Can you trust yourself to respond to your mistakes the way a kind, curious and compassionate parent would to a kid's mistakes? etc etc. Whatever applies to your situation

Another element is being really, really clear on your own values. That makes you immune to certain kinds of interrelational strikes to the self-esteem. Because you are ultra-clear with yourself, then when someone doesn't like you (which is inevitable, no one likes everyone), you have this core of "well, I know I acted in accordance with my values, so there's nothing I could have done differently. That's just how it goes." Whereas if your behaviour shifts between value sets, or you're changing to try and please people, then when someone doesn't like you, you're like "what should I have done different? who did i need to be? what's wrong with me?" etc etc and there's a lot of second-guessing and self-doubt

idk they're a couple of random tips. The other rec. I have is Aidan Wachter's Reclaiming Rite - I'll post that here later.

 

[Xenophon]

Thought Id open YAOT, yet another opinion thread. Just as the title states, my self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth were nuked beyond repair.

I'm in the near future entering therapy, but in the meantime, pursuing social outlets as a way to rebuild myself.

Non-magickally speaking (nor mysticism for that matter), what are ways to rebuild the self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth, without feeding the ego?

Learn a skill you've been putting off. Lose weight or gain muscle or both. If you've wanted to anything artistic---draw, write, carve, make up a song---do so. Learn a new language (a mage always needs at least one more)---the less like your native language, the better. Do anything that calls for an act of self-control. The less evident this is to others, the better. (Seneca counsels working out till thirsty, taking a mouthful of cold water, spitting it out and telling no one.)

Most of these are not really cerebral. None involve introspecting. All involve doing something where you can mark progress. I knew a guy who, at a real low point, would go to the nearby river and collect a backpack of small rocks. With these he'd pave his backyard. A bit "silly," but he took interest in it, then pride enough to finish. And then, yes, to move on.

 

[pixel_fortune]

I said I'd post this "later" and it is indeed 6 weeks later. I've described it as for recovering scattered power, but it's also for recovering self-esteem/confidence (which is linked)

[Tutorial] - Reclaiming Rite (for recovering scattered power) by Aidan Wachter

I have found this to be very effective. This rite appears in both Six Ways and Changeling. This is the Changeling version but they both work. Reclaiming Rite: Theory Aidan Wachter says: Repeat daily for 21 days, then reflect whether it has helped in any way. If it has, you could choose to...

wizardforums.com

 

[stalkinghyena]

Non-magickally speaking (nor mysticism for that matter), what are ways to rebuild the self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth, without feeding the ego?

I can't do non-magical/mystical myself, but I think there is something useful in what Castaneda said about how a lot of human misery comes from self importance, which is really just self pity concealing itself in a shell of lies. I think "rebuilding" starts with self acceptance.
From there one can realize one's own infinity - a detached self awareness in a sea of awareness, maybe a realization of one's eternal indestructibility as an essential fact. All else is just shadows.
You are who you are, you are what you are, you did what you did, and you are still standing. The past is a corpse. There is no blame.

On another note of reflection, I was reading in Scholem about the German Hasidim in the Middle Ages and found it remarkable that they seem to take pride in being abused in public as a kind of martyrdom. In fact, one Hasid complained that he was ashamed that he had gone the whole day and no one had spit on him or thrown rocks at him. Another Hasid told him he was being selfish - that he should embrace the shame of not being abused as this more in accord with God's Glory.

 

[Viktor]

what are ways to rebuild the self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth, without feeding the ego?

You need a goal in your life, what ever that might be.
Without a goal there is no purpose and what ever you do there is nothing in you that would tell you to finish it (or abandon with a reason) because there are no goals set so it doesn't matter and so there is no driving force in you.

People who are successful have goals and their goals are their purpose for struggle.
Without a goal one cannot succeed because there is nothing to fight for and nothing to build self-confidence on.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

I said I'd post this "later" and it is indeed 6 weeks later. I've described it as for recovering scattered power, but it's also for recovering self-esteem/confidence (which is linked)

[Tutorial] - Reclaiming Rite (for recovering scattered power) by Aidan Wachter

I have found this to be very effective. This rite appears in both Six Ways and Changeling. This is the Changeling version but they both work. Reclaiming Rite: Theory Aidan Wachter says: Repeat daily for 21 days, then reflect whether it has helped in any way. If it has, you could choose to...

wizardforums.com

Thank you, will use this (and write it in my offline magical diary).

I can't do non-magical/mystical myself, but I think there is something useful in what Castaneda said about how a lot of human misery comes from self importance, which is really just self pity concealing itself in a shell of lies. I think "rebuilding" starts with self acceptance.

Yeh, I do not know how I would function not being a magician. Instead of cursing, id have a criminal record, without money rituals Id be a panhandler etc.
I was telling my sister yesterday that a consulting company that I'd worked for before called me and I put my best foot forward interviewing me. Still the same tune, 'dont call us, we will call you '. Didn't help with the self worth and self esteem.

From there one can realize one's own infinity - a detached self awareness in a sea of awareness, maybe a realization of one's eternal indestructibility as an essential fact. All else is just shadows.
You are who you are, you are what you are, you did what you did, and you are still standing. The past is a corpse. There is no blame.

This is extremely helpful, and it also has an air of the earth grade, putrefaction/blackening moving to yellowing, an advance in personal alchemy.

On another note of reflection, I was reading in Scholem about the German Hasidim in the Middle Ages and found it remarkable that they seem to take pride in being abused in public as a kind of martyrdom. In fact, one Hasid complained that he was ashamed that he had gone the whole day and no one had spit on him or thrown rocks at him. Another Hasid told him he was being selfish - that he should embrace the shame of not being abused as this more in accord with God's Glory.

Interesting.

You need a goal in your life, what ever that might be.

Perhaps I need to finish what I start, such asy space program. perhaps I need to really get into Alexander Technique and Walk Pilates for Seniors.

Without a goal there is no purpose and what ever you do there is nothing in you that would tell you to finish it (or abandon with a reason) because there are no goals set so it doesn't matter and so there is no driving force in you.

I can see this.

People who are successful have goals and their goals are their purpose for struggle.
Without a goal one cannot succeed because there is nothing to fight for and nothing to build self-confidence on.

Agree.

 

[Viktor]

Still the same tune, 'dont call us, we will call you '. Didn't help with the self worth and self esteem.

One person once told me I should value my work rather than letting others (ex. my boss) determine my pay.
In other words, you are the one who is to say how much you're going to be paid, your boss can accept it or reject it but that's your price and that's how you value yourself and your work.

And this makes sense, when you call a repairman to your house to fix something it is the repairman who will say how much you're going to pay, it's not you who says I'll pay you X amount, it's not how it works.
In same fashion it's you who says how much your pay is going to be not your boss.

You'd be surprised but some people value this approach because they know they'll be getting what they're paying for, your only job is to justify your price.

In the end I listened to this advice and started to lay out my price and believe me, I had no issues finding a job at all, in fact I ended up having a boss with character rather than having business with scum who doesn't value people.

Those folks who don't call you, fck them, you should raise your price and make them regret.