Guys, no like, seriously, stop laughing, I can ACTUALLY TURN MYSELF INTO A SNAKE. LIKE, FOR REAL. IT'S HOW I PROTECT MYSELF FROM THE BADDIES. IT WORKS SUPER GOOD THOUGH. Dude, why are you still laughing, it's making me laugh. You're making me laugh and I'm trying to be serious dammit. No, seriously. I can turn into a snake and shit. FINE. Watch I will show you, hold my beer, and my robe, and my wizard hat, and... shit, where did I put my staff? Whatever, watch this!
((proceeds to sprawl out on the floor on his belly and, to everyone's surprise and great impression, does a rather good job break-dancing the "worm" as he pretends to be... something that can do that I guess, and then starts hissing aggressively through clenched teeth like he's having a conniption. After something like seven or eight minutes of this nonsense he lifts himself up to a kneeling posture, catches his breath, and then gets to his feet clumsily. He grabs his beer and almost spills it taking it in. Then he takes a deep breath in through his nostrils and out through his mouth.))
There we GO. Damn that's refreshing! I feel so POWERFUL now. Who on this planet can fuck with someone ready to bust that shit out at any second even in their damn 40s? Go on, pick a fight with me, whoever you are. Hell, just for fun. Let's have a good spar. Nothing personal, I promise. Fuck with me. You think I'm weak and just fucking around here, kiddo? Let's get into some trouble then. Let's see what happens.
I'm literally a LICH. I'm behind like, 17 phylactries that dissociate my eternal soul from my CORPSE into multiple etheric batteries I have on standby that I can just cast off every time I do that snake shit. What are you even going to cast your spell ON? What's the target? My CORPSE? This FLESH? What, the EGO attached to it that was stitched together out of half-forgotten memories of a past "self" and a bunch of bullshit "personal unverified gnosis" that "just works man"? What do YOU want? What's YOUR war? The fuck do I, or what I said, even have to do with your war, actually? Who and what do you think is even talking to you, right now?
I'm like, probably one of those mantis aliens or some shit dude. Like, the ones that control the greys and the reptilians even. Dude, that's why I'm into snakes and shit, right? It makes perfect sense! It has to be that, the mantis thing ties it all together! I'm like, a "starseed" man, one of those hybrid experiments that the aliens have set up with the CIA or something. It's the military, they're in on it. Three of my uncles were in the air force with top secret clearance and they all told stories about shit they saw and knew about but weren't allowed to give us any details for our own safety. Maybe it's all connected somehow!
Guys, holy shit. This thread, this thread has actually OPENED MY EYES. I SEE WHO I AM NOW. OH MY GOD IT'S AMAZING.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~
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