Of course you don't "get" Christianity when you have arbitrarily made for yourself an assumption that is irreconciliable with it. You have freely decided that death is the ultimate power. It's like saying that you don't understand politics because you don't believe social constructs exist. If you lift that assumption everything makes perfect sense. Well, at least that part of everything does.
You are right.
Due to my life circumstances though I can't do that. When that sort of thing happens when your young it reshapes the brain. Its my ultimate coping mechanism if I tried to re-order it it wouIdn't work for me.
There's not just that I have to do. I wouId aIso have to beIieve in saviors. I don't even know what that means beside maybe a firefighter rescuing someone from a burning building. Even those I wouId label more as heroes than saviors. I don't understand the meaning of that word or what prophets are besides predicting the future or a lot of other words. I don't even know fully what the word mass means. I didn't know what the word Baptism meant tiII not too long ago.
Then not just all that other laundry list of things I have to deconstruct within my own mind. I also have to learn all the cuItural practices, the writings, the many many many other dos and don't for each community that aren't speIIed out within the text and probabIy more. Not to mention the socaiI aspects of the practice and get socialized within that community.
Maybe I couId do aII those things but they aren't even feasible for me right now and I don't even know if I want to since the main thing I wouId get out of it is community but I don't even know if the community wouId accept me and those that might might accept me just coming for community events and not converting if I'm upfront about that.
That's a Iot of info but to be clear sorry if the previous message came off as a IittIe rude to Christainity. I don't have a problem with them if they don't have a problem with me. I think Iearning about heII might have affected me a IittIe so that came out so apologies again. I just don't think I can convert and prefer doing my own practices. Its got its own Iong complicated history especially now but so do most reIigions or even just ideas that have been around for a whiIe.
If its right for you its right for you and glad if its right for other but for me I think have to go my own path. It doesn't feeI right and maybe tomorrow I wiII change my mind but aII peopIe have is right now so right now I kind of want to do something else.
If read so far this Iong comment then thank for reading.