- Joined
- Jun 1, 2023
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- 39
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I would like to find definite ways/methods of healing the emotional heart from trauma, abandonment and rejection.
They are times when I feel I cannot take it any more and making a swift 'exit' seems inviting, but I know better.
Formerly it was mostly coped with through dissociation and escapism into video games etc, to the point of a kind of unintentional meditation.
I have coped more recently through the moderate use of Kratom and medicinal plants, but of course they are only a stop gap.
It is not a physical malady, I have had that checked out.
I shut down psychically to avoid unwanted attraction, but in doing so the pain increases as I have chosen to stop leaking energy. The energy leak seems to work as a safety valve to avoid losing center/consciousness.
I do have other physicall pains from diagnosed muscular skeletal problems, so I am nearly always in a mindfullness medtation to cope with all that.
The hurt Innerchild is addicted to psychic 'shining' to escape, in just the same way as any drug.
I am aware that what I am describing is 'mental illness' but from the true emotional/spiritual aspects.
The pain is likened unto being kicked repeatedly from the inside chest, or that a Giegers face hugger Alien is trying to burst out.
There is a great deal of this trapped emotion/energy messing with the mind.
Asking for help from Archangel Raphael, he arrested a thought form in the mind that was extremely destructive. That brought some peace, but still needs removing completly, after completing some more work.
Someone here suggested before that there is a heart parasite and I agree. It wants controll to the degree to become me, and cause harm.
It's pretty hard to establish what is the authentic self, something I am still coming into.
There is a whole lot of internal Daemons going on. I think it's time to release some and clean house.
I know this seems bad, but I doubt I am alone in this, difference is I am honest about it. I get to ask for help with from the vantage point of a magician and mystic.
I have a repressed subconsious aspect that took the trauma that was built upon, it reminds me of the survivor in the 'Firefly' episode 'Bushwacked'.
The only way to survive Reavers, was to become one.
I am suspicious about accidental Tulpas/servitors from me, or deliberately having them created in me from somone else whilst in a trance.
I dont know how to deal with the standard form of these. By now there are some that must have gained some mass.
I have haunted myself sometimes through intense fear surfacing occasionally, manifesting in Psychic projections/poltergeist type activity.
The only way I found to sleep, is to dose with sleeping pills, but they are a very negative and short term narcotic.
I appear to be an all to easy target for nasties, entering or exiting sleep stages.
I have had full on fight with entities in the dream world, I seem to go immediatly to Astral rather than actuall sleep, I am not even trained yet in Astral work.
I have frequently been 'inception' level depth and virtually unable to exit, having to literally smash my way out of the dream/Astral to survive.
There must be a better way to recover than pulling random junk of the internet and guesswork.
It's as if I am after a 'How to heal after abuse book', but without all the cultyness of the New Age.
I am making up my heart healing as I go along, Help!
They are times when I feel I cannot take it any more and making a swift 'exit' seems inviting, but I know better.
Formerly it was mostly coped with through dissociation and escapism into video games etc, to the point of a kind of unintentional meditation.
I have coped more recently through the moderate use of Kratom and medicinal plants, but of course they are only a stop gap.
It is not a physical malady, I have had that checked out.
I shut down psychically to avoid unwanted attraction, but in doing so the pain increases as I have chosen to stop leaking energy. The energy leak seems to work as a safety valve to avoid losing center/consciousness.
I do have other physicall pains from diagnosed muscular skeletal problems, so I am nearly always in a mindfullness medtation to cope with all that.
The hurt Innerchild is addicted to psychic 'shining' to escape, in just the same way as any drug.
I am aware that what I am describing is 'mental illness' but from the true emotional/spiritual aspects.
The pain is likened unto being kicked repeatedly from the inside chest, or that a Giegers face hugger Alien is trying to burst out.
There is a great deal of this trapped emotion/energy messing with the mind.
Asking for help from Archangel Raphael, he arrested a thought form in the mind that was extremely destructive. That brought some peace, but still needs removing completly, after completing some more work.
Someone here suggested before that there is a heart parasite and I agree. It wants controll to the degree to become me, and cause harm.
It's pretty hard to establish what is the authentic self, something I am still coming into.
There is a whole lot of internal Daemons going on. I think it's time to release some and clean house.
I know this seems bad, but I doubt I am alone in this, difference is I am honest about it. I get to ask for help with from the vantage point of a magician and mystic.
I have a repressed subconsious aspect that took the trauma that was built upon, it reminds me of the survivor in the 'Firefly' episode 'Bushwacked'.
The only way to survive Reavers, was to become one.
I am suspicious about accidental Tulpas/servitors from me, or deliberately having them created in me from somone else whilst in a trance.
I dont know how to deal with the standard form of these. By now there are some that must have gained some mass.
I have haunted myself sometimes through intense fear surfacing occasionally, manifesting in Psychic projections/poltergeist type activity.
The only way I found to sleep, is to dose with sleeping pills, but they are a very negative and short term narcotic.
I appear to be an all to easy target for nasties, entering or exiting sleep stages.
I have had full on fight with entities in the dream world, I seem to go immediatly to Astral rather than actuall sleep, I am not even trained yet in Astral work.
I have frequently been 'inception' level depth and virtually unable to exit, having to literally smash my way out of the dream/Astral to survive.
There must be a better way to recover than pulling random junk of the internet and guesswork.
It's as if I am after a 'How to heal after abuse book', but without all the cultyness of the New Age.
I am making up my heart healing as I go along, Help!