Journal Journal of Night and Day, Son and Moon

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Oh, and to my last teacher, the biggest slime ball on this planet, thank you for all your easy work in trying to help me.

Im done. Done with magick, done with problems, done with angels, done with demons, done with go/desses, and this stupid world.

 

[Jarhyn]

Im done. Done with magick, done with problems, done with angels, done with demons, done with go/desses, and this stupid world.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I like you and who you are. Maybe you don't make you happy, but your existence and discussion contributes to happiness of others.

It is understood when someone shuffles off because they are frustrated but even so...

I may not know you well, but you are loved and moreso for the fact that I and all of us here are able to know you.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Much like BALG did?

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I guess time to abandon my amazon order, cant afford anything anyway, no surprise there.
Might as well burn my tarot cards, notes and books on the local bbq grill in my complex.

 

[Jarhyn]

Much like BALG did?

I'm not on BALG and they sound like pretentious twats

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

That they are ... that they are.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I'm not on BALG and they sound like pretentious twats

I really do appreciate your words, but Im done with magick.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Actually, fuck them and fuck their favored spirits. Want me to do magic universe? Then prepare Azrael to swoop down on my enemies to put them where they belong.

 

[Jarhyn]

Actually, fuck them and fuck their favored spirits. Want me to do magic universe? Then prepare Azrael to swoop down on my enemies to put them where they belong.

That's the thing. I'm not sure it's even the right time for magic or the right use.

I would wish that those who wield levers against others when there is no need to play a game of levers, that they see it broken before them as the result of their own actions.

This intent I put out into the world. Add to it what power you wish, and know this is pure.

If you spent a bunch of money, I keep saying you should not need to do that. Maybe see if you can get your money back. 20 bucks on some beeswax, maybe 20 bucks on a variety pack of ribbon colors, uproot a tree...

And this may seem very strange, but take a course on neural AI. Or watch one on YouTube.

What you want to understand, none of the math matters for you. You won't be doing this with math or with a computer.

You need to understand inter-network surfaces, backpropagation, and network mediation.

Spending money on this defeats the purpose and for the middle path makes you run too fast. This is a slog, not a sprint.

One of the most important things to learn is that you shouldn't be looking directly at it when you're trying to do it until you're ready. Depending on what it is, it's either looking at a lady while she's changing or looking a gorilla in the eyes or both.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

After a cool down moment, realizing I was scapegoated to a degree that set it all off, I am too much of a magical retard at the moment to be able to do anything at all anyway. Chances are it would just ricochet back to my shieldless, wordless, vulnerable self yet again.
If I am always going to place myself at this risk level in my head, then I might as well go back to evoking and invoking without circle or exorcism.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Know, Dare, Will, Silence. Or is it Know, Will, Dare, Silence?
I guess I should will to dare to construct an actual physical temple, the tools necessary, and memorize word and act. Or at least learn basic fundamentals of magic first.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Now I realize Ive been off all of my meds (anti depressant, anti seizure, anti psychotic, mood stabilizer) for two weeks straight, because nobody wants to refill them, and because of my internal world, Ive dropped the ball twince on meeting with them to discuss my medications and prescription refills.
So there is that, that might explain my moods as of late. Might explain after my blowout with BALG why I was fuming to the point of shaking, and calling off work twice for mental health days; while under pressure of meeting rent.
Proof of magic working, well lets see what I still have left up my sleeve, for myself and myself only, to face divine justice and explain my case. Or just ask the universe to help me make my rent and keep my mind and job and shelter.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Had a thought, perhaps under advice of somebody, balancing things out, to invoke all 72 Shemhamphoresh angels into my field of consciousness and aura. That might kick the negativity and lack of self control out. Perhaps even heal where healing is needed.
So, off to go read up on (carefully as in trying out a new grimoire unlike in the past throwing caution to the wind, but carefully dissecting it to full understanding before vibrating a single word.
So, my amazon kindle reader has 72 angels of magick, that may be easier than a full shemhamphoresh operation, but then again, should I continue to seek shortcuts, or face challenges, even mental and spiritual tests, head on? So then, "my people perish for lack of knowledge". To know. Know thyself. Gnosis. Mind. All is Mind. Hmm, there might be something to thought control.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

So the scumbags "pupils" are playing mind games. No wonder his maids continually go on the run from him.
Its a cult in the making.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Yeah, Im hanging my hat on magic. The likelihood of my life getting better through it is laughable.
Anyone want my notes or trot cards? Im going to burn them otherwise. Kidding, I dont need a another link for enemies to play with.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

If I dont hang my hat on magic, my failures will become an obsession.
Particularly with the group of people I detest (and wish their mothers had aborted them all), there is simply no justice.

 

[Jarhyn]

Had a thought, perhaps under advice of somebody, balancing things out, to invoke all 72 Shemhamphoresh angels into my field of consciousness and aura. That might kick the negativity and lack of self control out. Perhaps even heal where healing is needed.
So, off to go read up on (carefully as in trying out a new grimoire unlike in the past throwing caution to the wind, but carefully dissecting it to full understanding before vibrating a single word.
So, my amazon kindle reader has 72 angels of magick, that may be easier than a full shemhamphoresh operation, but then again, should I continue to seek shortcuts, or face challenges, even mental and spiritual tests, head on? So then, "my people perish for lack of knowledge". To know. Know thyself. Gnosis. Mind. All is Mind. Hmm, there might be something to thought control.

Honestly? Depending on how good you are at reading difficult material, I would recommend something else: start reading math texts.

I talked about The Foundations of Mathematics by Ian Stewart on other threads, and I'm pretty serious about thinking that THIS is one of the clearest ways forward on the middle path. And if Ian is a bit advanced (ok, he's a lot advanced) you can pick up a basic book on algebra and trig and maybe precalc and that will get you there along with some guidance.

This in general allows the mind to more readily assimilate "basic modal symmetry", and "modal logic on principle" which is something that the angels really like AFAICT.

It's like a muscle and if you don't exercise it, it can SUCK getting it into shape the first time.

The downside here is that then, when you have logic and modality singing strongly in your head (especially if you haven't gotten to social symmetry yet), that becomes a new lever in your head that anything else there can also, perhaps, use.

I would also recommend the Socratic dialogues to start, specifically Euthephro, and Ion, and The Allegory of the Cave

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Wont the angels detest me for having worked with demons before though?
Hell does not seem to be my friend, nor death for that matter, so there is only one other possibility.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I have read, and should re read both), The Knot Book, and Knot Magic. Wonder if there is a relationship between the two.
I could use a math education honestly, one of the areas Ive avoided all my life. I might as well start with Basic Math and have a strong understanding before moving up to a new course.
I am hoping to get back into continuing education, and take Business Management, and then try to get accepted for an Anthropology Masters Program somewhere local, after getting the Bachelors. If I can get it within three years, at age 56, Id still be in a better spot.
Then maybe I can get benefits somewhere with a retirement plan I dont touch for ten years, at least I could afford rent the rest of my life with what Id make.

 

[Jarhyn]

Wont the angels detest me for having worked with demons before though?
Hell does not seem to be my friend, nor death for that matter, so there is only one other possibility.

No. As I recall from another admitted work of fiction "The Darkness at Sethanon", discussing this concept: it is a demon, something fallen, whole and entire, that rejects ideas on the basis of Purity.

When, you encounter that feeling, "TO HELL WITH THAT!" And shut it out into the oubliette. Banish it like you would any other dark and evil thing.

The actual host of heaven welcomes with all their arms the Returned of the Fallen. It is their greatest joy.

Also hell is not your friend and cannot be until you bring the power of the light before them and they see with their own capabilitieshow much further the reach of the whole becomes when it accepts the constraints of symmetry.

This is not to say that even Purity stands unable to be redeemed, but rather that you must show it where it fits into The Great Work, and it does not stand at the top but rather, when everything is assembled, as a monitor specifically for Nonsense grinding against the Logic.

That's late game stuff. For now, just kick Purity down into the oubliette and pick it up later when you have suitable gloves with which to handle it.