- Joined
- Nov 4, 2023
- Messages
- 406
- Reaction score
- 1,698
- Awards
- 16
I trust this will be OK with @SkullTraill. If not, apologies and please move to the lounge for me.
In the early summer I considered that my time with WF had come to an end. In a sense this was the climax of the previous summer, when, long term residents might remember, I underwent a genuine, bolt out of the blue, Near Death Experience. The major "levelling up" that was unleashed by the NDE was a lot bigger than I thought it might be and a lot more destabilising too. In hindsight, I now see that the raft I had built to get me that far (much of it assembled from various parts of the Western Left Hand Path) had started to break apart long before the NDE, though the NDE drove home a simple truth: once the raft gets you to the other side of the river, get off and walk, otherwise you'll sink.
Still, such realisations did not prepare me for what would come over the spring and summer which have just passed, a spring and summer when I would walk ("crawl" is probably closer to the truth) into terrain where the manuals cannot apply, where the truth of the world and one's life have to be seen in all their horrific reality. If the previous summer was an NDE of the body, this went deeper again, an entire collapse of all underlying mental structures, a lower octave experience of fanāʾ or "Crossing the Abyss". On the outside all was well, underneath was a person at Golgotha.
The first truth to dawn from the other side of this was a sense of how imperfect my ways of getting there had been, of how much they had delayed me and of how even sincere seekers construct systems which affirm their desires rather than challenging them (this will always lead to energy looping and eventual collapse). This realisation felt more like the Moon turning to a new phase, a natural realignment, not a case of "I once was lost but now I'm found" (please keep any fundie-coloured projections to yourself, they don't apply here, this is something different). Still, I felt sufficiently strongly to think "Wintruz must be disavowed - I cannot lead others into wasting their time". For that reason, coupled with missing the antics of some older faces who'd been banned, I stopped posting after writing a disavowal of what I had written in the past. And yet... the WF DMs would ping in my email, with kids asking for information about those very same paths that I now saw as a blind alley. I'm glad of them. They reminded me that, rather than simply walking away, I might instead show how those paths were blind alleys. Perhaps even talk about what I have found that has made sense...
My name is Wintruz. I was deeply experienced in the Western Left Hand Path. I was the youngest Priest in the history of the Temple of Set and an Internal Adept of the ONA. Zeena LaVey once called me "the future". I have seen things that many do not believe possible, I have passed through a thousand fires and undergone dozens of dangerous transformations. Here is what I have learned:
You do not know who you are. Learning comes through accepting every event as a means of destabilising your false sense of self. The attempt to escape those events merely tightens the noose. Only with time and conscious suffering, very, very gradually, will truth start to be glimpsed and only from truth is it possible to act. All else is fantasy.
I will post about healthy ways of getting there, share my own journey to love and to sanity and counter ideas that encourage anyone to spin their wheels.
Until again!
In the early summer I considered that my time with WF had come to an end. In a sense this was the climax of the previous summer, when, long term residents might remember, I underwent a genuine, bolt out of the blue, Near Death Experience. The major "levelling up" that was unleashed by the NDE was a lot bigger than I thought it might be and a lot more destabilising too. In hindsight, I now see that the raft I had built to get me that far (much of it assembled from various parts of the Western Left Hand Path) had started to break apart long before the NDE, though the NDE drove home a simple truth: once the raft gets you to the other side of the river, get off and walk, otherwise you'll sink.
Still, such realisations did not prepare me for what would come over the spring and summer which have just passed, a spring and summer when I would walk ("crawl" is probably closer to the truth) into terrain where the manuals cannot apply, where the truth of the world and one's life have to be seen in all their horrific reality. If the previous summer was an NDE of the body, this went deeper again, an entire collapse of all underlying mental structures, a lower octave experience of fanāʾ or "Crossing the Abyss". On the outside all was well, underneath was a person at Golgotha.
The first truth to dawn from the other side of this was a sense of how imperfect my ways of getting there had been, of how much they had delayed me and of how even sincere seekers construct systems which affirm their desires rather than challenging them (this will always lead to energy looping and eventual collapse). This realisation felt more like the Moon turning to a new phase, a natural realignment, not a case of "I once was lost but now I'm found" (please keep any fundie-coloured projections to yourself, they don't apply here, this is something different). Still, I felt sufficiently strongly to think "Wintruz must be disavowed - I cannot lead others into wasting their time". For that reason, coupled with missing the antics of some older faces who'd been banned, I stopped posting after writing a disavowal of what I had written in the past. And yet... the WF DMs would ping in my email, with kids asking for information about those very same paths that I now saw as a blind alley. I'm glad of them. They reminded me that, rather than simply walking away, I might instead show how those paths were blind alleys. Perhaps even talk about what I have found that has made sense...
My name is Wintruz. I was deeply experienced in the Western Left Hand Path. I was the youngest Priest in the history of the Temple of Set and an Internal Adept of the ONA. Zeena LaVey once called me "the future". I have seen things that many do not believe possible, I have passed through a thousand fires and undergone dozens of dangerous transformations. Here is what I have learned:
You do not know who you are. Learning comes through accepting every event as a means of destabilising your false sense of self. The attempt to escape those events merely tightens the noose. Only with time and conscious suffering, very, very gradually, will truth start to be glimpsed and only from truth is it possible to act. All else is fantasy.
I will post about healthy ways of getting there, share my own journey to love and to sanity and counter ideas that encourage anyone to spin their wheels.
Until again!
"Do not seek the truth; only cease to cherish opinions" -Seng-ts'an
It's good to hear of others evolving their practices and beliefs.
