- Joined
- Mar 20, 2025
- Messages
- 11
- Reaction score
- 22
Over 8 years ago I was in a hopeless rock bottom state. I was depressed, dealing with echoes of childhood trauma, going through withdrawals, and had no idea how to make my way forward in life. At the same time I was searching desperately for answers, spiritual answers.
One day I had to meet a friend for coffee, so I starting to walk out of the house to get to my car. On the walk I started to feel really dizzy and light headed. Then I felt floaty, like leaving my body. Then my body felt so weak I practically crawled into my car and had to pull the seat back and lie down. I felt like I was leaving my body but was still attached to my body by a thin thread. My control over my body was so weak that I decided not to drive to see my friend until this passed.
Then I heard a voice in my head, "Do you want to leave now? Or do you want to stay?".
It felt serious and final, like if I said "yes" I would leave my body for good in that moment.
I somehow knew exactly what the voice meant, do I want to pull the plug and leave this life right now (since its too hard) or do I want to keep going.
I knew my rock bottom thinking would be "of course I want to leave", but another part of me answered, "I still haven't finished what I'm here to do, I need to finish what I'm here to do, I want to stay".
I felt that it was me saying it and meaning it wholeheartedly too. It seemed like it was a version of me that could see the long game that mundane me couldn't really see.
Then I felt a non-verbal acknowledgement of my answer, and my floating self slowly sunk back into my body again. I could feel my hands and feet again. I could feel my whole body again, but I just laid there for a while since I was quite shocked about what happened.
I had a weird floaty headaches for hours afterwards, as if I wasn't fully synced with myself.
After a few days, I recovered back to normal.
Who was that voice that gave me the choice?
I wonder, who was that voice that gave me the choice? Wondering if the magickal community can give insight.
One day I had to meet a friend for coffee, so I starting to walk out of the house to get to my car. On the walk I started to feel really dizzy and light headed. Then I felt floaty, like leaving my body. Then my body felt so weak I practically crawled into my car and had to pull the seat back and lie down. I felt like I was leaving my body but was still attached to my body by a thin thread. My control over my body was so weak that I decided not to drive to see my friend until this passed.
Then I heard a voice in my head, "Do you want to leave now? Or do you want to stay?".
It felt serious and final, like if I said "yes" I would leave my body for good in that moment.
I somehow knew exactly what the voice meant, do I want to pull the plug and leave this life right now (since its too hard) or do I want to keep going.
I knew my rock bottom thinking would be "of course I want to leave", but another part of me answered, "I still haven't finished what I'm here to do, I need to finish what I'm here to do, I want to stay".
I felt that it was me saying it and meaning it wholeheartedly too. It seemed like it was a version of me that could see the long game that mundane me couldn't really see.
Then I felt a non-verbal acknowledgement of my answer, and my floating self slowly sunk back into my body again. I could feel my hands and feet again. I could feel my whole body again, but I just laid there for a while since I was quite shocked about what happened.
I had a weird floaty headaches for hours afterwards, as if I wasn't fully synced with myself.
After a few days, I recovered back to normal.
Who was that voice that gave me the choice?
I wonder, who was that voice that gave me the choice? Wondering if the magickal community can give insight.