A mysterious figure

[mocny]

Hi. I'm new here.
Hello everyone!
I have a question maybe someone can help me with.
I started my adventure with occult 10 years ago and I got scared.
There was a figure appearing of a middle-aged woman (don't know her), authoritarian, telling me "it's not your way", "you're a simple man", treating me like a teacher treats a small child. She was forcing me to stay at a horrible job I had back then and embrace suffering. For her it was "beautiful".
It made me very angry.
She was definitely connected to color blue and had an association with "Heavenly Mother" while Satan appeared as a father figure, challenging me, pushing for growth, testing. Satan was also connected to color red (i suppose fire, willpower, action, passion). And thanks to Him I found a new job which turned my life upside down (in a good way).
Last year I had a vivid dream in which I was in an medieval gothic church and there was a portal. On one side was a fresco of Mary, dressed in blue, on right there was sitting a little bird, a tit.
When some time after I travelled to visit my parents I stumbled at the airport on a dead tit bird. I knew it meant something and I got chills. This was a time I struggled with Satanism. While staying at my childhood house I performed some rituals and reconnected with the Infernal.
I keep wondering who this woman figure can be? She appears as overprotective mother.
At the first encounter with occult she tried to push me towards christian gnosticism. When I tried to be a catholic again (what a naïve idea...) and went to local church I immediately met a middle aged woman (real person) who started to talk to me intensively. It was uncomfortable.
Is it my projection or there could be a being behind it?
Would appreciate your thoughts!
Hail Satan! ⛧⸸
Hail Asmodeus!

 

[Keldan]

The middle aged woman figure is the Moon Goddess of Yanomami. Her name is Periboriwa.

 

[Firetree]

I know her ! 'My' version of her made my life an amazing miracle wonder !

But hey ... if you want to be all ' teenage hail Satan ' and worship some BS Christian 'anti-God' ... and have a good job ... that's your choice, and 'dharma ' I suppose .

 

[Ohana]

Huh once I heard the color associations the other way around.

Sorry you had to go through that and it was unpleasant with you. I think some deities/spirits work well with some people and others not.

So that might be why some people report good working with one and another not. I think looking into symbolism of the bird and what it means to you could be beneficial.

It's interesting because this figure likes suffering thinks it's beautiful yet is overprotective? Those two seem counterintuitive. If you want someone to see suffering or feel it they have to be free to go out in the world.

I've felt suffering because of my own choices and it is a lot worse and yet somehow a lot better than because someone was overprotective and made the decision for me. If someone was overprotective and made my own choices my expierence with that is that I grow numb to suffering. I never really feel it since someone else made my decision.

if someone is not overprotective and I suffered for my own decisions I would actually feel it and would get a good cry out. It was nice

I kind of don't like that they called you "A simple man," seems kind of rude. After that expierence if you haven't already then getting to re-experience your emotions and feel your feelings might be beneficial.

This spirit might be related to Catholicism maybe? So maybe check out the saints. Might also be related to Asherah or Saint Mary? Again this is a real maybe? I hope you feel better and find more spirits, deities, or daemons that resonate with you. Glad you found some that resonate.

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I would look into others responses to this too because I'm by no means an expert and definitely could use more expierence.

 

[Morell]

I assume that you have family members who are into Christianity and who are praying for you. Christian prayers are not without power... well, unfortunately.

When Christians pray for someone, they are forming and sending servitors their way... or angels and other spirits who are in their religious family. (meaning group of both humans and spirits) These spirits tend to try convince people that they need to be Christians and are able to do some misfortune or bringing manipulative advices as they are on their task.

You seem to be sure about what spiritual path you want to be on, so I suggest to stick to it and have your legs on the stable ground that way. Makes it harder for these spirits to manipulate you. They never try it on you for long if you give them no reaction... You can also strike back on them if you need to.

The woman could be some dead human, who was devoted Christian, or a spirit send by other Christian prayers. Either way it is probably not your related spirit because from what you said it doesn't have your best interest in mind.